Goodbye Dear Earth Angel


I had sad sad news this morning and it has stayed with me all day. I learned that a dear, sweet student of mine went 'home'. She suddenly and swiftly crossed over. She left this life to continue her work unlimited from the body.I have mixed feelings. I am in total grief for the dear loved ones she has left behind- her young daughter and husband and mother. So unfair. So heartbreaking. And yet after sending Reiki on and off all day to her family, and to the situation, and to her where ever she now is,  I feel o.k. It's as though she is saying. "It's o.k. I'm free. I'm limitless. I'm peace. I'm joy. I'm home" I know she wouldn't want me to sit and cry about her not being here. I know she is o.k. and trust this was her soul's purpose and it was her 'time' to go. She was always light years ahead of everyone else when she was on the planet, so why would that be any different now?But honestly it seems as though people are leaving the earth left right and centre lately. I don't think it's because I am getting older. The people leaving have been younger than me, or my age.And this baffles me because it was not that many years ago my own doctors were telling me really bad news. I stubbornly (me? stubborn? never!) flat out refused what they said and got on with the business of getting well. I never once thought I was going anywhere. Ever. Now, after witnessing other women come and go, who have gone through something very similar to what I went through, I am humbled by the miracle my life is. Part of me feels in a way that I am unworthy, that I slipped through the cracks, or tricked fate somehow. Each time another earth angel crosses over, it has me contemplating my mortality. Why am I still here? Really? Honestly sometimes I'm not entirely sure.But one thing I can tell you is that this has made me very present and more grateful. I am going to to my best to make the Most of my life and LIVE it! I generally try and do that anyways, but I'm ramping it up. No more excuses! For anything!I hope all of you do as well. Please if you get anything from my middle of the nightrambling~ Hold your loved ones closer, actually Tell them how you feel. Be honest. Be loving. Be kind.Love yourself enough to let go of those relationships that are done, so you and the other person can be free to find authentic love. Stop wasting your time and life in misery.Let go of All your Fears.Get out of that job you hate-but love to complain about-and actually make change in your life.Stop waiting. Stop delaying. Stop making excuses and Just Do it!Go on that trip.Plan for your future. But never to the expense of not living your Now.Our time here is limited. That is certain. And we are not always in control of how things shake out, but How You Choose to Live Your Life is Always 100% Entirely Up to You!I hope you make the most of it.I am going to. That is how I am going to get over this loss. I am going to live my life Fully. I know that is what she would want me to do. What she would want all of us to do. The girl was Pure Joy when she was here. She lit up a room. She is going to be one Amazing Angel.And I will see her again someday. And when I do I am going to have some incredible stories to tell her.But not yetNo, not yet.xo Kerri 



Do not look for me and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me and cry,

I am not gone; I did not die.

A Surprising Morning

20121230-071415.jpgA few hours ago I was pulled from my dreaming by the sound of long continuous honking. As my consciousness came back to my body and the earth, it greeted silence. I wondered was the honking external or had it been part of my dream? In my sleepy haze, the question faded, and I began to drift off again. I suddenly awoke fully with a start to loud pounding at the door. I realized I had to get the door as my husband was not here, that made me the one in charge. I stumbled downstairs with no time to even think. I was alone, up north with my sister, brother in law, and their kids. Not wanting to wake anyone, but unsure what was going on, I hurried to the door. There are no neighbors this time of year. Was someone in trouble or distress? I opened the door and the snow plough man tells me I need to move my car that I had parked at side of road because he couldn't get around it. I had parked there because the snow filled driveway was inaccessible. We had hiked our supplies in. So I got my keys and followed him up the hill, waking up now in the early morning cold. I had a few realizations walking up that hill.1. no one knows where I am. My sister and BIL are sleeping.2. It would be easy for him to (insert whatever your half asleep, fear-based mind could make up, here)After rolling a few scenarios around in my mind, I rest back in the faith that I'm safe and continue up the hill. If I'm not it's too late to turn back now.3. I was feeling the cold. I take stock that I'm in pjs & boots-no hat, no mitts etc.So I get into the van and drive down the road until I find a flat driveway without too much snow to pull into so the plough can get past me-this sounds simple enough but was next to impossible and about down the road. The plough passed me and I wait for it to turn around at bottom of the road and pass by me again before pulling out of the spot I'm in. I then realize I cannot go back and re-park where I was. I now have to park my car somewhere else and walk back. I know the road fairly well and know this will certainly be a bit of a hike. I also know that because of my earlier haste, I am improperly dressed for such a hike.I drive down the road and eventually find an area off to the side where I can safely park.I know I have to walk back. No hat no mitts and in pjs. I did go to bed with long underwear under my pjs as the fire hadn't heated the place up yet-so I take comfort in that.I get out of the car grab a gift basket my sister had left in the car (to save her a trip later)and I start walking. It's cold. I'm tired. I'm holding a gift basket. What was I thinking? I switch hands from basket holding to my pockets in an effort to stay warm. The snow is so cold it crunches. Loudly. I contemplate how it was silly of me not to remember to move the car-something my husband always did-and he wasn't here-but he always did it so I never even thought of it.I'm still walking and I'm getting really cold. I have a bit of a ways to go. I'm now annoyed. I only had a few hours sleep. I was already up at 3am stoking the fire. I had maybe 3 hours of sleep the night before. I know my neice and nephews will be up Early. My plans to get a proper sleep are fading fast. I trudge along feeling sorrier and more annoyed with myself. It's dark it's cold. Why am I carrying a gift basket? That's crazy. Are there coyotes up here? Would they be placated by chocolate? Why do the dark tree stumps look like people lurking?I trudge. I contemplate. I mind-complain. I get colder. The road goes on forever. I start to freeze.And then something happened.I looked UP and was literally stopped in my tracks.There in the clear night sky was one of the most beautiful moons I have ever seen. Complete with planets and bright stars all around. I was frozen in place just staring at it all like a fool. I'm pretty sure my mouth was hanging open in awe (I was still half asleep-in my defense)I was- in that moment-Absolutely Transformed.I went from a miserable, mind-complaining, freezing cold, wretch of a girl to a grateful and inspired human being. I placed the gift basket down on the ground, and just took in the fullness of the scene, appreciating that I was completely alone in beautiful nature. Silence, moonlight, snow so cold it crunches, bright stars, glowing moon, I felt so small, so taken care of, so loved and blessed. To be Present in this Moment-which now felt like a Miracle.I Thanked God, the universe, all of creation For My Life, for the miracle of living breathing and experiencing. I was so Thankful and Grateful for that moment, for having eyes to see and for the experience.What began as an interruption and large inconvenience in my life, had instantly shifted into a precious moment. And it made me realize, these moments are Everywhere.... Always. They happen throughout our day All The Time but our mind/personality/perception does not always allow us to see.Sometimes we need to be taken outside of ourselves( by strange events or circumstances largely outside of our control & comfort zone) to see anything at all.It is our Perspective that is Everything. Nothing in my scene or experience had changed here. Nothing at all.But I changed.And all it took was a moment.And I am so grateful for the reminder.So what is the point of this story?What indeed. : )It is this....Please look at something in your life today, or even last week, or further into your past that on the surface you judged as an inconvenience or unwelcome. Go back into the experience of that time, and find that moment of truth. That moment of clarity. Your own 'jewel' or 'pearl' from your experience and sit with that.Keep in mind there are no 'accidents' in life.If you do this with an open mind and heart, I guarantee the wisdom and awe that will flow over you will be no less greater than what I just experienced moments earlier. A moment so great I did not return to the sleep I so desperately thought I wanted and needed, but chose instead to share this moment(via a teeny & inefficient keyboard on my phone) with all of you. Now that is divine inspiration!Big hugs,Kerri

A Visit From My Grandfather

I saw my grandfather last night.I haven't seen him in a very long time.I got to hold him and tell him how much I love him.So what is so unique about that?My grandfather died 14 years ago.He appeared to me in the dream time. Sure I have dreamt of him before-here and there- but I never get to see him enough,Last night was different.As I was holding him and telling himhow glad I was to see him I realized I was dreaming. I looked at him and said, "You have been gone for 12 1/2 years and I miss you so much! You died. So that means I'm dreaming." I then said we can do anything. We were standing and looking out a window and I said, "we can fly". But then we decided against it to not alarm the other people walking up the street below. Instead we decided to go across the street and jump up to fly.We were at the COL centre. It looked different but we were upstairs. We went down to street level and talked as we walked up the street. Certain things would happen in my dream that would momentarily distract me and then I realized. 'No. I need to stay focused. To stay here with my grandfather.' What is funny in retrospect is we were walking the ley lines (energy lines) on Mill St. I could see the other people who had died walking them too.Now I see people who have died and cross over all the time so why is it such a big deal that I saw my grandfather? Well although I know he is around, I do not see him often, and I am rarely am able to connect with him like that.Not everyone who has died is easily accessible. Anyone who has had a session with a medium sometimes has that experience. No true medium can ever guarantee that a specific spirit will come forward. They know we are not the ones in control of that.Spirit is.So why do some spirits come in crystal clear and others are not as clear, more elusive, or difficult to locate?There are many reasons. I don't assume to know them all but will share a few from my personal experience.The most common I have experienced is that they have reincarnated back into a human form on the earth. So when I am connecting to their spirit it is present in the reading like a hologram-holding space in the past but the bulk of their energy is with the new life they are currently in.Sometimes spirit is elusive because they are keeping their energy close to a certain person or thing. It's usually who they feel needs their energy more.Sometimes they are doing 'work' on the other side. If we choose, after we cross over, we may take on certain tasks and occasionally spirit may be occupied doing something else.The energy we are trying to connect to is of an infant or unborn child, or child that died in utero. Often babies are not born for a reason. That reason usually has everything to do with their soul path and growth and not the mother or father. Once they pull their life force energy back they usually get to work on what they needed to do(why they left) or they plan to come again at the first opportunity.The upside is if I cannot locate a spirit clearly I will usually receive information as to why.My grandfather has been reincarnated back here for 12 1/2 years now. He died 14 years ago. It's funny in my dream I told him he had been gone for 12 1/2 years even though he died 14 years ago. That's because he has been gone from 'me' and my ability to access him clearly in spirit for that length of time. He has been here walking the earth again for the last 12 1/2 years. He reincarnated back. When he came back he came back as a split soul (identical twins). Those babies were born with health conditions that matched how he died. 9 days later those medical conditions had 'disappeared'. I'm sure nurses who work in neonatal see a lot of 'disappearing' illnesses.So this is all very interesting but it still does not allow me to hug and hold and talk with my grandfather as I could when he was living. That is why last night was so special.Why was I so close to my Grandfather?20121010-114449.jpgWell he used to teach me things. He would take the time to patiently go over each step. He encouraged me. He taught me the importance of being kind. He loved me unconditionally. He had the same wacky sense of humor. He would do anything for a laugh. We would go on long walks at the cottage and he would teach me which wild plants were edible. He could make or build anything. He believed in the world and believed in people even when faced with the 'ugly' side of people and things. He encouraged others to fight for what they knew was good and true. He never gave up. He cheated death once and squeezed out enough years for me to really get to know him and I'm so grateful. After he recovered his focus shifted to community and he began to live for an idea of what he wanted the world to be. He inspired people. He would occasionally cause trouble or 'break the law'. If you count mixing concrete and patching city sidewalks when the city wouldn't as breaking the law. All to prevent little old ladies from falling down and breaking bones. He got the name 'sidewalk johnny' after that episode. He helped the neighborhood fundraise to buy another lady dentures do she could eat real food again. When the city was going to tear down a community wading pool because they had no money to fix it, he started a community association and got all the neighbours together. Over a few years and hundreds of garage sales later, they raised the thousands necessary to save the pool.And these are just a few things he did.He was my childhood hero, my surrogate father, and his ideals have become a large part of the internal compass I try to live by.This past Thanksgiving while spending time with family I was reflecting on things I am thankful for. I am so thankful he was part of my life, even for a short time, for that I am grateful. I wish my children could have known him. They would have just loved him and he them. Its comforting to know he lives on in me and in them as well. Every time we eat a 'weed', play a prank, have a laugh, show compassion, do something bigger than ourselves, inspire others.He is there.Smiling.