The Beginning....My intention is to Blog to a degree my recent experiences in Peru for thosewho are curious, and for myself to help remember the ancient wisdom that wasunearthed.However I cannot even begin to share this recent experience I had inPeru without some background information as to how this came about. I was recently in Peru this past April and had opportunity to participate in anAyahuasca ceremony. I did not know much about this plant medicine. I had not researched it ahead of time. I went into the experience based on intuitionand blind faith alone. I did know one person who had tried it in the pastand when I told them of my intention to try it they were very negative aboutit. They then went on to tell me horror stories of frightening visions andbody purging...severe vomitting and diarrhea. So although I recognized thatwas 'their' experience I started to doubt myself and wonder if I was making the best choice for myself. Although I did feel my experience would be uniquely my own, going into the ceremony, I was a mix of excited and apprehensive. Well truth be told, part of me was terrified and thought I might die, but at the same time I knew from deep within my soul it was something I needed to experience.I had another friend who had never tried it but had researched it andencouraged me to do the same to 'prepare'. I heard them out but that did not seem right to me. I wanted to go into the experience clean with nopreconceived notions. They thought I was being naive.I can say this now with 100% absolute certainty after having experienced this plant many times. You cannot prepare for ayahuasca. You just can't. The thought that you can is your mind wanting to control the experience, and if you go in with a 'controlling mind she will tear you apart. You are not in control of the experience, the plant is. You must surrender to the plant. And breathe. A lot.Now I just want to let you know (and this is especially for those of you whothink I have gone wandering like a fool into the jungle to fry my mind on psychoactive drugs) that I live a pretty 'clean' existence...other than chocolate... and coffee(when I drink it). I rarely consume alcohol and rarely take medications....not even Tylenol. I try to heal with natural or homeopathicremedies or energy work first. I did try marijuana in university and although interesting never felt the need to continue. I have never smoked and Itake pretty good care of myself for the most part.
My first experience with a plant medicine was December 2010 and was 100% an intuitively guided decision to participate. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. I had a vision in which I saw myself drinking a 'tea' with a shaman who sang songs and rattled over me. So when I was invited right after having this vision to a medicine ceremony(in a completely unexpected and random way) I found myself accepting the invitation not understanding what that meant.So my very first plant medicine experience was actually not Ayahuasca but with Huachuma (San Pedro). The experience and visions were incredible and unforgettable and very helpful in terms of personal and spiritual growth but I found the experience itself overwhelming. I went so far out of my body I almost did not return and the physical effects (nausea and low grade paralysis) I was not prepared for. I promptly decided that although I received valuable information I would never do it again. I did not regret the experience of that ceremony as I did receive a lot of valuable information along with the strong feeling that I needed to travel to Peru. That feeling never went away and continued to become stronger, so I trusted it and went to Peru in April 2011.You have probably noticed there seems to be a fair bit of blind faith and 'following of intuition' in my choice making process so far. That is because I have learned over the years that my best choices are made in this way and so I trust those feelings-more than anything else, and as a result am never led astray.The April trip to Peru had Huachuma as part of it but after my lastexperience with this medicine I was very hesitant to try it again. My body is extremely sensitive to everything. That ceremony was almost too much for me. After speaking to the shaman on the trip about my concerns I decided to take his advice and give it another go. I am so glad I did as it was an entirely different experience. We were outside. We had personal space (in the last one too many people were crammed into a small room-I was feeling my 'stuff' and everyone else's-the joy of being empathic). This ceremony was vastly different. It was beautiful, expansive and enlightening.
On the April trip Ayahuasca medicine was an optional choice. I was not sure if I was going to try it. I wanted to but was not sure if it would be a good idea for me (being so ultra sensitive). I knew I needed to approach working with Ayahuasca with deep respect as a medicine teaching, and I realized it was a very serious choice. I must have been feeling intuitively already the large degree in which it would change my life.When it was offered on this trip, I knewthat I had to overcome any fears I may have because it was very important that I experience it.I had been told Huachuma was the masculine plant and Ayahuasca was the feminine. I was also told Huachuma was gentle and Ayahuaca was very very strong by comparison. This concerned me a little as I had very intense experiences and visioning with Huachuma. I could not imagine anything stronger than that. This also added to my existing concern that I may not survive the Ayahuascaexperience.Ayahuasca is not a plant you can become addicted to. In fact it has ahistory of helping people overcome addictions. It has also helped heal mood disorders like depression and anxiety as well as heal cancer and other major illnesses. It has had such good results that many people are now making the trip from the west to try it out.It is not only the Ayahuasca that does the healing. It is paired withpowerful healing songs (icaros) sung by the curandaros (trained shamanichealers). The icaros and the plant medicine work together for a completehealing. Although they each have healing merit on their own- together-any illness or imbalance can be addressed.Everyone's experience is unique to them. Some people do have a purge from the medicine(gentle or violent) while others do not.I am lucky in that my body recognized and loved Ayahyasca the first momentit touched my lips. I heard loud and clear in my mind. 'Be at peace. This isYour medicine. You have done this before.'
The medicine was warm as it entered my body and I felt an energetic heat spread to my heart. It felt wonderful.This made me relax . I was aware I was going into the vast unknown and had no idea what to expect. I welcomed it with open arms. Once I had emptied that cup I knew I had jumped off thecliff into the abyss.We were seated on the floor in total darkness for the entire ceremony. You could not see anything.Huachuma is traditionally an outdoor daytime ceremony and Ayahuasca is traditionally done at night in the darkness because you are meant to go inwards...into yourdarkness...to be in it..to face it and acknowledge it...and to heal from it.So once drinking the medicine we sat in our spots in a circle and waited. We were in a dark, cold mountainside cave like structure. You could not see anything but the lit end of the sacred tobacco the curandaro was smoking. Ihad a continuous internal voice speaking to me from the moment I drank the medicine. I was receiving continuous information. It came on like a slow blanket of relaxation andinsight. I thought to myself...this is ok...I can handle this...and I relaxed into it...like you would relax into a warm bath.Then it hit. And when I say hit...I mean hit. Right in the frontal lobe. Floodedwith colour, sound, light information at such a rapid fire pace like a massive computer download into my brain. It was like receiving separatestreams of fast motion information and pictures from several differenttopics and sources all at once. Like watching 20 TV screens and beingpresent and aware with the information on each one even though the movieswere fast forward. It was also like being on a high speed roller coaster. I became dizzy. I thought I was going to faint so I got into child'spose(a yoga pose where you are essentially on your knees. Head on theground. Like a seed or fetal position) this made me feel less faint but itdid not stop the flow of information. I think I stayed in that position forat least 3-4 of the 6 hours. I no longer had a concept of body, or time. I had surrendered to the medicine. I waselsewhere.I proceeded to be heavily educated by the plant in a very short period of time.I have to mention that to me, Ayahuasca is a person, a live being. As real as you or me. I experience her as the Great Mother of all. She appeared to me this first time as a strong and (almost terrifying) Kali-like feminine energy (equally capable of giving life or taking it away). She was seated in a cave surrounded by snakes. At one point during the information stream, I asked a question, and the realized my error. She just gave me a 'look' (you know that look? The one mothers use on their children?) and she said very sternly to me 'Pay attention. I'm teaching you'. She scared me a bit. I will be honest.She was like a stern mother. But I can see now how she had so much information to give to me and limited time and she wanted me present patient and focussed. I was shown the history of humanity from the beginning of time forward into our future and beyond. I was shown my entire life, plan from pre conception to death. I got to see and experience my future death. This was a beautiful comforting enlightening experience which was to this day one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I was shown absolutely everything about myself & my life. Everything had ever done in my life that I was not proud of, every time I had lied. Every time I had hurt someone either intentionally or unintentionally. I was shown my fears and insecurities. It was like meeting the person who had made be and she knew everything about me even the things that were hidden from myself. I got to look at all of it. I got to see people in my life right now who thought I was upset with them (even though I was not & that was their misinterpretation) I got to see itall. I was then given homework. Very specific things to clear, heal and balance. And this is only a small sampling of what was given to me. And then near the end when the information began to slow down she said, 'The next time I see you will be in the jungle...you will come to my home and we will continue this great work.'I did not think anything of what she had said, until the following day when I was invited to the jungle to do Ayahuasca. It was such a weird random thing.(and I am used to weird random things....but the way this happened so fast still surprised me). My first reaction was to say no. I thought it was impossible. I can't return in the summer...my busy life won't allow for that. How would I get the time, the money, etc. Not to mention I was not sure if I could handle doing it again. It was so intense.I decided to surrender the whole idea to the universe. If I was meant to go, then I would find myself there. Once I did that, everything came together for me to go easily. It was literally a series of mini miracles. And so on July 18th (the day before my birthday) my journey back to Peru began. I was going to work with the Auahyasca plant in a remote jungle location just as she said I would. In her home of over 2000 years with Shipibo medicine healers. I was going home. And I knew I was going home. I recognized the Amazon in the same way a mother knows her own child. Intimately. I had such a fierce connection with the land right away that it took my breath away. It was a homecoming for me in every sense of the word.More to come soon....
