After A While...


Hello Beautiful Beings!

I have so many unfinished blog posts and have no had time to write! Lots of things have happened. Some of them amazing and wonderful and I want to share them with all of you-I really do-but the timing is not quite right. I may need to take a couple of days off just to catch up on the writing-but no time right now. Spring has sprung and things are speeding up!Recently my sister sent this to me (see below) and I thought it was beautiful & a good reminder about courage and hope and so thought I would share it here until I get back to blogging on a regular basis. : )

Big Hugs,


After A While

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every good-bye you learn.

~ Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall

Is Inauthenticity The Hole In Your Bucket?

Have you ever felt drained at the end of the day even though you did not really do anything to warrant such exhaustion?Do you ever feel totally drained after  hanging around certain people?You were going along, having a perfectly wonderful day, and then you spend a few hours with someone or in a group and afterwards you feel like you want to slip into a zombie coma?What the heck just happened?!Some websites and books out there will tell you that you were attacked by an 'energy vampire.' That this 'bad' person stole your energy.  Energy vampire was a term that was very big in the 80's & 90' came along with bad hair, huge amounts of hairspray and the need for protection, amulets, salt circles, crystals up the nose, fancy outfits, and whatever your favourite tool is to ward off  so called 'evil.' Energy vampire was the perfect term to describe those  people with 'negative energy' who made it feel like they were sucking the life right out of you. It was a catchy phrase. Catchy but dangerous.Why dangerous?It's dangerous because it shifts the focus away from where it needs to be.  As soon as you start labelling and blaming others for a problem that you 'think' they caused, you take the focus off the feeling that You are having (that feeling that is all about you) and you put the blame on them. In doing so, you take away any self responsibility about how you were (all of a sudden) feeling.Not to mention doing that can be a bit scary too because-Wow! they must be pretty powerful to get through your supersonic energetic bubble and enchantments and powerful anti negativity jewellery to drain your energy dry like that. What are you going to do next time to prevent it? This is where people can spend a fortune from their fear as there are always those who will  gladly take your money for more amulets, more potions, more spells, all the while feeding your fear for why you need those things (and need them) to save you from that other person. What you really need is to be saved- from yourself.I know I'm poking fun, and I am likely going to take some heat from this post from the die-hard energy vampire haters, but I have totally been there. I have felt this drain before too. Many, many times. I'm empathic. For those who do not know what that means, it means that I Feel EVERYTHING all the time (emotions, physical ailments, moods) As cool as that may seem, it's not a fun trip. Believe me! I can also tell you there is no magic product out there that is going to stop that drain. I'm sorry to say that, but it's true. You may find things that help a little bit or things that trick your mind enough into believing they work-and the mind is very powerful and can help you there, but ultimately you are the only one who can stop it permanently. That's because that energy drain you just had, in all honesty, its kind of your fault.What???!I know!!! That's a horrible thing to say to someone! Especially when they are feeling so low and after they have had their life force energy drained and feel so energetically victimized.My intention is not to be  'mean' by saying that it is your fault. I wish it wasn't so. Believe me I do. Life would be so much easier if we could just blame other people for everything. But it's just not the case. In this case, you are at fault and it is simply because You allowed it.No one pinned you down, or held you against your will to drain you of your energy. No one forced you to hang around that person, or give them your energy, or listen to their draining life story. Instead you were following a different law, a different set of rules-that unwritten agreement many of us have (and still follow) to pretend with that other person that everything is o.k. even when it is really not o.k. at all.Why do we do this? Well it is easier, or seems to be easier to do this. No one enjoys conflict. No one wants to alienate people.But unfortunately over time, this inauthenticity and self dishonesty drains you energetically. It becomes the hole in your bucket and it's simply not worth it.It is one of the absolute laws of the universe that nothing can interfere with your energy without your permission or free will. Nothing. Not a thing, no human, animal spirit, being, space alien, tweedle bugs, anything.So what just happened to your energy then? How did it get drained?! How was it that allowed that you didn't want it?!If you go back through that situation in your mind-and do so with honesty-you will be able to pick out the exact moment where you began to feel the drain. The exact moment where you began to be inauthentic or dishonest with yourself or someone else.This is actually how muscle testing works-the basic premise that when something is true or right for you the body's (muscles ) show strength, and when something is wrong or untrue for you the body's (muscles) show a weakness. The body is not the only thing affected in a situation where something is untrue or not right. In that case, the entire energy field is depleted. When people tell a lie their energy field totally collapses for a brief moment in time. My kids absolutely hate that I can always catch them in a lie this way.So you were inauthentic. Big deal. We do it all the time. You are in a situation and don't want to have 'that conversation' or rock the boat, or stand out, or worse yet -hurt someone's feelings, so you just adjust yourself to fit into the environment-while your 'energy vampire' friend, loved one, co worker, family member, stranger, begins to feed on you and drain you of all life force energy. You just sit and smile and nod and listen and fade away. You never once say what you want or truly feel. If you did then you would not feel drained afterwards.Someone energetically 'present' and 'aware' in that situation, and someone refusing to compromise their authenticity, would leave that situation feeling just fine.When we are dishonest with ourselves and others about who we are and how we feel we begin to drain energy. When this happens a lot, we become so depleted we begin to create illness and disease in the body.When you are able to maintain who you are and your authenticity in every situation, you are not only doing yourself a service but you are helping others by mirroring back to them their ability to do so and  you are essentially giving them permission to do the same for themselves. That is empowering.Some of my favorite people on this earth are down right shocking, but they are Real. I Love children. I love their raw honesty. Children are born honest. They are real. They do not know any otherr way to be. They learn dishonesty from adults. Pets are honest too, and simple. Pets don't lie. Our bodies are honest too. I love working with the body because the body tells it like it is- the body never lies. The human mind on the other hand....well you could be lost in a mind for days, weeks, heck even years! The mind is a wild maze! It is the mind that decides if we are going to be authentic or not..and it will have many scenarios at the ready-scenarios it likes to play out of things that have never even happened! Things that may never happen! The mind will convince you of why its better to stay quiet, to stay safe, to stay small and to just allow that person or situation to rip right into your etheric jugular and bleed you dry.Why do we do this? Why do we change from the beautiful honesty of a small child ,to an insecure, inauthentic, and non self-aware adult?Plain old survival.As children many of us learn to people please to get rewarded. We learn when we are 'good' we receive love and affection or we do it to avoid getting yelled at or in trouble. We learn to be 'good girls' and 'good boys'. We then grow up carrying those same patterns with us of selfless service, and silence for love, for acknowledgement, and for attention. Attention is actually how we give and receive Love. We learn that early on. The worst thing you can ever do to someone is withhold your love or attention. The opposite of Love is not Hate. It is indifference.We learn to be chameleons to be what the other person wants us to be rather than learning to be comfortable in who we really are. We learn to Bend.We look at magazines and tare aware of the media and what it tells us to be. We tell our children and young adults how to be and who to be to fit in. No one wants to be different. Not that different, to run the risk of  not having friends. Most friendship s, and relationships require compromise. We learn to alter, we learn to Blend.We learn to look outside of ourselves for our answers and to find reasons for our problems. We learn to Blame.Often we do it in families where we may feel so incredibly different from our relatives we try and fit in by changing to fit the role of who they think we are rather than who we are truly are. We do it in relationships by becoming the person we think the other person wants us to be instead of being who we actually are.Do you know that around the holidays is my busiest time as a holistic practitioner? When I began my practice years ago I found that incredibly odd because most of the services I offer are not covered by extended health care, and is an extra expense during the holidays, and can cut into the Christmas budget. Why do so many people see me then?I believe it is because everyone is drained. They are spending time with their family -even those who would normally avoid doing so- and then while in those scenarios (to keep the peace) they pretend to be someone else. All of that pretending and not speaking your mind or honouring who you really are is totally exhausting! Most of us can barely walk thru the door to fall into bed after such a day.So what can we do to protect our energy and keep it full and vibrant? Other than hermiting away and avoiding people forever or going the other extreme and  alienating everyone, how can we avoid becoming drained?I'm not suggesting you go out there all guns a blazing and blast everyone with your truth on some power trip just to be you. Relationships will be damaged and there will be fallout. These kinds of changes can take time. I'm simply asking for you to notice in your life when and where you feel drained. Just observe when and where it takes place and the context around it. Instead of blaming the other person for how you feel, honestly take responsibility for how you are feeling and look at where You were being inauthentic in that situation. By taking responsibility for allowing your energy to be drained, that new found awareness will allow you to make the necessary corrections so that it Never happens again.Please know that despite what you may have heard, YOU are Always in control of your energy and your body. When you fully realize that, and embrace that 100%, and own it, then you will be able to end the cycle of being a victim in your own life, and you will truly see some incredible changes in your life.By taking responsibility, you take ownership, you take your power back, and you take your energy back to you where it belongs.Be yourself, not a crappy copy of someones else. If you have changed, let your family and friends know that. Allow them the chance to get to know the new you. You may be surprised..they may like your new self a heck of a lot better than the old one. Or maybe they are pretending to be someone else too. Once you take off your mask and let it all out, you are giving them permission to do the same and you can meet as two hearts, two minds, in honesty, in trust, in true authenticity.

Wow what a Great World that would be!Shine on Bright Beings! Shine On!

xo Kerri         

Sometimes You Just Have To 'Be The Tree'


'Be the tree' was the message I received a few weeks ago from spirit while receiving Reiki. I had been asking for guidance for some time, only until that moment I had not been in a clear space to receive it.You see I was in pretty rough shape. For a healer, we do actually learn early the importance of self healing in order to stay balanced and well so that we can better help others. But also, as a healer, many of us tend to want to take care of others first. Somehow over the holidays (from doing too much) I came down with a virus. By new years I was getting back on track only to end up with a raging kidney infection. After a foray to emergency and drugs I was back home and really not happy about any of  it. I had things to do and places to be and no one else could do those things for me. It was stressful to not be able to stay on top of my insane to-do list.So there I was on the table, receiving a healing, not for fun, or as a tune up, but because I really needed it badly. I had fallen completely off my groove, out of my flow, off my centre, out of alignment, was ungrounded, my cheese had partially slid right off the cracker.... You get my drift. I also have friends who insisted on coming over, despite my crankiness, and comments of 'I'm o.k. I just really want to be alone right now.' But they decided on a reiki intervention instead. Thank god for them.Humbled and Grateful is the way I felt after these dear friends and amazing healers gathered to help me out. I was at the end of my rope, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I was coming off a rather challenging 7 months and felt like I kept getting knocked down right after I would pick myself up.  I was not in alignment. I knew that the law of attraction was at work in my life 100% and until I sorted myself out I would just keep re-creating the same disasters. You would think that by knowing this that would be enough to bring myself into some semblance of balance but because I was pretty emotionally attached to all of it, I was not receiving any clarity.So as I was  on the reiki table, I was intuitively asking my guides and angels and any spiritual being with compassion out there in the universe to come and help me out with some answers. I wasn't even asking for them to take the drama away. I was just asking. 'What should I do?!'  I was beginning to think all of the red tape and delays and downright ridiculous obstacles were the universe's way of subtly telling me to give up on everything. So as I lay there waiting for the lightning of divine insight to strike,  I heard very loudly and very clearly a female voice say "Be the Tree."It was clear. It was simple and that was it. At first to be honest I thought 'Is that it?!' After months of total chaos I wanted to shout to the universe 'That's all you've got?!' (but after the time I had experienced recently I did not think it was wise to provoke or 'throw down' with the universe) so I thought better of it and instead I opened myself up to truth of those words and contemplated.Once I (finally) relaxed and opened myself up, the advice of 'Be The Tree' it made complete sense.My life had been chaotic and scattered because I had been chaotic and scattered. 'Be the Tree' meant I had to be like a tree. Literally! I needed to find my still centre, find the ground, and sink my roots deep into the earth. I needed to claim that space, to own it, to become strong centred and grounded again so that life's storms would not knock me over. The crazy thing was I had not even realized how un-rooted I had become. Once I had that aha moment, the voice went on to talk about the ice storm we had a few weeks ago that affected so many people. In my neighbourhood especially, it had been heartbreaking to drive up and down the street and see tree branches laid out ready for pickup, to see the devastation and all of the trees lost from that storm. The standing people, the silent watchers, the beautiful space holders, cut down so dramatically.The voice explained that to 'Be the Tree' does not mean there will not be storms, that there will never be loss or devastation. In fact it told me that life is loss and devastation and to think that we can get through it without experiencing that is ignorant.

'Be the Tree' means to Believe in yourself enough to anchor yourself deeply into the earth, to be so connected that if you lost a branch or two in a storm you are still the tree, life goes on. To not give up. To recover, to rebuild, to begin again.

These are all acts of courage. It takes courage to hold your ground, to stand up for what you believe in, that it is just and true. It takes courage to rise up after falling, and more still to stand up again after being knocked down.Now was the time (in my darkest hour) where I needed to stand up and begin using All that I had learned the last few years. That information was not just for me to share with others, but for me to actually use, and this time I Needed to use it. I needed to, or I wouldn't survive the storm.That all sounds very dark. But it was dark, and I had been in a dark place. I had been questioning my intuition, my faith, my relationships, and my life path. Many years ago, when I chose a life of service, I made that choice and promise and take it very seriously. As a result, I sometimes feel the responsibility that comes with that choice means my life is not always entirely my own. It is that way once you mother children as well. It is a joy but also can be a huge sense of responsibility that can weigh on a person. I have a vision and a promise to keep to myself and to others but it would be nice if it does not destroy me in the process. I have realized lately,(that how things are arranged and re-arranged out there in the universe, a.k.a. quantum field) are not for me to decide. I am not in control of the process. Sometimes only after everything has been destroyed, can we see what truly needs to remain, and what truly needs to be rebuilt. So I decided to re-surrender and allow the universe to reshape my world. I was holding fast to the one thing I could, the one thing I still had faith in, and was is the dream I had many years ago, a dream of creation, and I decided to hold fast to that and trust that this dream would one day become reality. It was almost here, and I knew that to give up in the final hour would not only be counterproductive but it would be tragedy.Today in the midst of more chaos(I could write a book on my last week alone!) I asked for a sign from the universe if I was to keep it going or let it all go. I got my sign, and 5 more immediately afterwards. So I took that as a YES! So I decided to pick myself back up and 'Be the Tree'. I am going to re-root and hang on and hope we won't have any more storms. Or at least not until I heal from the last one.I'm a healer, a teacher, an intuitive, a mother, and a friend, and you know what? I'm still learning. As we all are. I always preach to have compassion for others, but this most recent experience has shown me that I need to still work on cultivating some compassion towards myself. I hold myself to some pretty high standards, and when I fall short of them I am pretty hard on myself.I had a student recently ask me if intuitive types have more challenging lives  than the average person who is just out there living life. I don't think so, but it seems to me that the people who question things, who really wants to understand things or push the envelope to excel at something, do tend to experience more adversity. Why is that?Well I believe that when you want to understand things, when you ask for the truth, when you are going for it, and want to know, the universe will show you all that is is you wish to understand. But in order to understand something, to truly make it your own, we need to Experience it. And the only way to do that is to have that idea manifest in your outer universe, so that you can interact with the scene in your daily life to further understand the idea or concept or situation. Once we have experienced something, we can combine that with our intellectual understanding of it, and turn that into true wisdom. And wisdom does not always come easily. Wisdom sometimes comes faster along the path of adversity. Do I wish I could just live my life and not ever ask 'why?', and be content to live my days out being content and not wanting to understand the true nature of reality and my place in it? Absolutely. But I'm not wired that way. I am unfortunately (fortunately?) an explorer, and inventor, a pioneer. And pioneers never have it easy! The people who come after (once the trail has been blazed) do.In the bible (yes I have read it!) it is suggested that we rejoice in our sufferings, because it produces perseverance and perseverance produces character. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete in character, not lacking anything.”So there you have it. I have been suffering all along, so that I can build a better character. I may not have been 'joyful'  as it happened but I'm o.k. with that. There are many things I do well, but I also have many shortcomings. I'm stubborn. I don't ask for help easily. I don't receive love as well as I give it. And I get mad at myself when I become sick or unwell because 'ain't nobody got time for that!'  and I think I should know better! But I am learning to love myself despite my shortcomings, and to forgive myself for my mistakes I'm allowing myself to take the time I need to heal myself. I'm doing this so that I can be a better person, and a stronger Tree so that I am able to better love and support someone else when they need it, just as my dear friends did for me.If you feel you are being tossed around by the universe, first of all know that you are not alone in your suffering. We all experience this from time to time unfortunately. It is just part of being human. Secondly please do not hermit away and don't do what I did. Instead put your roots down deep into the earth, breathe, let your friends and family help you, be easy on yourself and Be That Great Tree and have faith as you wait for the storm to pass.It always does.

Until next time,