Hard Lessons


mistakeI learned a hard lesson this week. It involved making a sudden decision, getting excited and jumping into something in a large way, without necessarily doing my homework .It 'felt' right and my intuition is usually quite good. Fast forward a few days into the project and the feeling was very bad. So bad in fact, I felt physically sick and unwell and a feeling of doom around it. To make it worse, I went against my first reaction to just stop and back out then-which would have been smart. Instead I stayed and tried to fix things, let the other person talk me into a second chance, I tried to work it out. What ended up happening is that after the second attempt, I then an overwhelming sense that this was not going to work at all and any attempt to make it work would be incredibly stressful and painful for all persons involved, and would just drag the whole unpleasant process out.So I finally trusted my gut and pulled the plug. I had to basically fire someone, and it did not feel good. But they were not doing their job, not at all, and I was basically paying a lot of money for something I could easily do myself. I got blindsided by the 'presentation.' Unfortunately in today's day and time anyone can have a slick website and be an 'expert', and not be help accountable for the empty promises.What went wrong here? Well I needed to use my head(logic) and my heart(feeling/intuition), not just heart. Most people are in their heads too much and need more heart. In this case I was being all heart and no head and that is not balanced either.As a result I had to hurt someones feelings, I felt bad for that, I lost a lot of money, and I felt pretty stupid.But there were some valuable lessons in this for me.1. DO MY HOMEWORK. As much as I used to tease my husband for researching something to death before he commits sometimes it is not a bad idea to get a lot of (too much) information about something up front before committing.2. JUMP IN, but remember to look before I leap.3. BE HONEST. It is so difficult. when you don't want to hurt someones feelings. In trying to spare feelings I downplayed how I felt and dishonoured myself and the other person. In the beginning if I had been truly honest with myself and this person, and pulled out in those first moments of unease, then it would not have gone this far4. TRUST MYSELF. I Knew it felt wrong. I asked friends and family for advice instead of trusting my inner knowing.5. TRUST IN THE GOODNESS OF OTHERS WHILE REALIZING NOT EVERYONE LIVES AND ACTS IN INTEGRITY. I may never get my money back. That rests in the hands of the other person and honestly I have no idea how that will go. They did not deliver on their big promises, and I feel let down and a bit swindled, but it was my choices that got me here, I need to take responsibility for that.What now? I have to trust that this will all shake out fairly for both parties. It is out of my hands, but I have made peace with my choices and am no longer judging myself for making a mistake. By forgiving myself, and letting it go, that makes it easier to move on and I can find peace in that. : )xoKerri